brwn grl swagger.
musings on God, life, love, politricks, and rabble-rousing.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
more than a conqueror?
it spoke right into my biggest struggle as a christian: my struggles with a lack of faith about the day-to-day things in my life. i'll much quicker believe that god can move a mountain if he wants to, but let it concern the details of my life and i am completely at a loss for what to do to the point where it becomes difficult to relinquish control. i believed my mom would be healed of colon cancer (and she was - 7 years in remission and she never even did chemo), but i am convinced that i am never going to amount to much in my career. i believe god can set free the drug addicts and alcoholics i help serve every week in ministry, but i don't think i'll ever be set free from the hurts of yesterday.
now, don't get me wrong, i love Jesus, and i see and know the changes in my heart and in my life. he has taken me from an angry, violent, people hating person, to someone fully redeemed with such a joy for life and love for people. the lord is my everything, and i'm too concerned with walking with him to ever go back into the world. i know that he can do exceeding and abundant things in my life and in the lives of those around me, yet this is something i know in my head, but i have a hard time registering in my heart.
for me, when the going gets rough, instead of running full speed into his arms, i run in the opposite direction and hide because i convince myself that the hundreds of promises he's made for those who "love him and are called according to his purpose" just aren't true...at least not for me.
my pastor has preached about this twice now: god is simply who he says he is (loving, patient, kind, jealous for me, delights in me, cares for me, aware of my struggles, teaches and chastises me in love, etc) and nothing can change that, except the enemy getting into our heads and slandering god's awesome, famous attributes. a slanderous campaign i sometimes believe. it's also really hard to keep faith and remember these things and how faithful god is when all you want to do is flee and forget that hardships happen, and that answers aren't always going to be as definitive as yes or no, and that god's will is not methodical or linear and most of time is "unfigureoutable" and is probably that way for a reason. or maybe i should just get used to it and glean and learn what god would have me learn in a season of trial and hardship. maybe that would make these painful experiences more worthwhile? the bible even talks about it in romans 5:3-4 "we can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials for we know they help us develop endurance. and endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation." even further, the trials experienced by the three Hebrew boys and how the lord was in that fire with them should serve as an encouragement...right?
with a lack of faith in microlevel things also comes a lack of faith in who you are and in what god has called you to be and do. everyone mentions how we're "fearfully and wonderfully made", yet all I can think of sometimes are my insecurities and how overwhelming they are. so by telling me i'm fearfully and wonderfully made, all i can do is roll my eyes and pray that god helps me understand and believe in that because i so desperately need for that to be a recognized truth.
that is why this song means so much to me. it talks about our insecurities candidly, and still offers a hope in the fact that god has set us apart and loves the mess in us and will love the mess out of us. shoot, even the angels are jealous because we - mere mortals, weak, sick, depraved, murderous, full of pride and self-righteousness - are the apple of god's eye.
i can't find the youtube or sound clip anywhere, but here's a verse and the chorus which is literally part of my hearts cry.
"of the many times i've tried to hide my face for the lack of faith in knowing who i am/for disregarding who i am in you/for neglecting who you say i am.
i take no notice of what you say of me/the lies keep coming...but i'll keep fighting the enemy within/i'm more than a conqueror, i'm more than victorious. this is what I am to you:
i am to you a reason worth dying for. i am to you the lyrics to your love song. i am to you what angels would die for/what the angels wouldn't give for a chance to be your bride.."
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Trump for President? Evangelicals Paying Attention
i just watched a video on cbn on trump who's obviously not my favorite for president in 2012. i am NOT a republican by any measure, nor am i a democrat. i def ain't a tea partier either. trump is really interesting in the most disturbing way and a mildly entertaining train wreck. i've become increasingly concerned with not only the attention he's managed to garner around this presidential bid, but how little attention people are paying to the things he has to say. the last person to truly challenge him on any front has been bill o'reily.
just some of the things trump has said:
1. " would much prefer if barack obama was a great president...but he's not...he's one of the worst presidents ever...it's only going to get worse"
now i'm a little confused as to what would inspire such a sweeping indictment of a two and a half year presidency. i think there have been far worse presidents. take james buchanan who did nothing as southern states began southern blocks that eventually became the confederacy, refused to tackle the issue of slavery in territories which would eventually thrust this nation into civil war. or how about andrew johnson, whose antics encouraged racist, slavery supporting secessionists to institute de jure racism and butcher reconstruction attempts (including the draaaama around ratification of the reconstruction amendments- 13th, 14th, and 15th)? i mean bro-man was impeached twice, though found not guilty. or how about herbert hoover who did very little to prevent this nation from falling into economic depression, except maybe sign international trade laws which further exacerbated the depression? i think obama is admirable, and is working as hard as he can. i also think that obama can be uninspiring, underwhelming, and underestimate his authority as a leader. this post is not about obama, however. you can read for yourself what the heck has obama done so far?
2. "other nations are ripping off america. we're just a laughing stock?"
-ever heard of globalization? neoliberalism? we've been a laughing stock since the 80's. #reaganomics
3. "we won the war, we take over the oil fields. there's no way we leave those oil fields and let iran take them over".
-this troubles me for many reasons. i've never really heard such honesty regarding imperialism, neoliberal foreign policy, and unabashed support for unethical wars to establish u.s. hegemony in the arab region...
4. "i am a christian...the bible is the thing, the book".
-look, as a christian, i do not pay much attention when people call themselves christians. i spent my entire life calling myself a christian and i was living an unsurrendered mess of a life and didn't even know that salvation through Christ Jesus was available to me, and that i could be saved by grace through faith (John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8, etc). i don't know where trump is in his walk or if he understands what walking with the Lord entails. that is personal to him and God and i can't express an opinion.
but whether or not someone is christian enough to be president is a little bit of a problem for me. in other words, i understand the evangelical base is an influential, even powerful voting bloc, however, i don't know if a disingenuous appeal to christians in this country is cool. frankly, this isn't a christian nation. what i do believe that the u.s. can be claimed for the Lords glory, and that in order to do so we must elect leaders who commit to protecting life, defunding unethical wars and redirecting resources towards fixing major gaps in the justice system, ensuring and legislating equality in education, housing, etc. caring for the sick (those without healthcare), the needy (the unemployed and underemployed), the poor (taking a stab at reducing poverty rates. the first step would be finding better ways to measure poverty), and the orphan (children remain the most vulnerable group in this country, and are obviously disproportionately represented in poverty stats), etc. a country where people serve in the name of Christ, regardless of the response to Christ. a place where people are loved and prayed for, despite our differences...you know, that whole they'll know we're christians by our love thing...and not all our crazy.
additionally, "christian" is becoming such an empty term. i'm currently reading an awesome book that's an account of what life was like in the early christian church, specifically during the roman empire. christians were an underground group and to proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ was to assure death by upside down crucifixion, thrown into the lions den, or burned alive, like some of the apostles in the new testament were subject to. today, we have have people like lady gaga calling herself a christian.
my problem with donald goes even further. in this interview he claims there is a muslim problem of extremism that the koran teaches, not realizing that he represents the very same christian fundamental extremism through misinterpreting or misrepresenting scripture and what it commands. the only difference is that islamic fundamentalism manifests itself in al-qaeda because al-qaeda is a fixture in that region of the world; a means through which forms of islamic fundamentalism can be expressed. in this country, christian fundamentalism is expressed via vitriol, congressional hearings, and the westboro baptist church.
either way, i'm excited for what the 2012 presidential elections are gonna produce. now, if only i could have a mashup of jim wallis, mike hukabee (the pastor, not the politics), and new deal-era FDR, sprinkled with a little majora carter and john maynard keynes, i'd be straight. meh, a girl can dream...
Monday, January 17, 2011
MLK
the man left such a rich legacy. i really look forward to teaching my nephew and my future children about that legacy. but i think i'd like to move beyond elementary activities where children write their own dream speeches. i want to move beyond the quixotic, idealistic vision of "colorblindness". beyond songs of patiently waiting to overcome. the event at BAM frustrated me because it focused on The Santa Clausification of King. Dr. Cornel West describes the Santa Clausification of "towering freedom fighters" as:
[...]a nice little old man with a smile with toys in his bag, not a threat to anybody, as if his fundamental commitment to unconditional love and unarmed truth does not bring to bear certain kinds of pressure to a status quo. So the status quo feels so comfortable as though it's a convenient thing to do rather than acknowledge him as to what he was, what the FBI said, "The most dangerous man in America." Why? Because of his fundamental commitment to love and to justice and trying to keep track of the humanity of each and every one of us. [...]in the market-driven world in which celebrity status operates in such a way that it tries to diffuse all of the threat and to sugarcoat and deodorize what actually is rather funky. these folk are such powerful forces that are threats to powers that be. Of course, Jesus is a grand example; I'll speak as a Christian. And, of course, we've seen Jesus being Santa Clausified the last two thousand years."
this collective absence of the truth behind Kings work is what truly annoys me. today's event was filled with elected officials who were looking for a sound bite by preaching to the choir about that dream. while King's dream is still profound, i think focusing on this cookie cutter image of a hand holding, negro spiritual singing preacher man takes away from practical grassroots advocacy efforts, including him organizing a Poor Peoples campaign and helping to bridge the knowledge gap that ignored the connection between racism and economic injustice. King was killed in memphis while scheduled to support black sanitation workers who were striking for better wages and better work conditions.
all in all, my appreciation for Dr. King has to do with what he represented: a man whose love for and service to God was mirrored in a deep love for humanity. this was something he recognized as being central to his heart for the despised and voiceless. for example, when asked to defend "joining the voice of dissent" against the war in vietnam, King replied:
"[...]when I hear them, though I often understand the source of their concern, I nevertheless am greatly saddened that such questions mean that the inquirers have not really known me, my commitment, or my calling. They seem to forget that before I was a civil rights leader, I answered a call, and when God speaks, who can but prophesy. I answered a call which left the spirit of the Lord upon me and anointed me to preach the gospel. And during the early days of my ministry, I read the Apostle Paul saying, "Be ye not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of minds." I decided then that I was going to tell the truth as God revealed it to me. No matter how many people disagreed with me, I decided that I was going to tell the truth."
Happy MLK Day!
P.S:
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
meh.
i've been itching to write a piece on faith and social justice, and starting a couple more themes to force myself to contribute more, even if it's just posting a song that's been in my mind all day. also, i've deleted a bunch of posts i'd previously written. a bunch. the reason is because i want to change the direction and tone of this thing to be more of a reflection of who i am and who i'm becoming in Christ. so no more dissecting playboy interviews by belligerent singers who go on racist rants, no more posting secular music, especially since i stopped listening to the crap a while ago (which has, among other things, actually done my soul some good). but we'll see...
Monday, May 24, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
gentrification in brooklyn
Honestly, no single issue has tormented my conscience more than the contentious nature of gentrification. Gentrification is a process. Contrary to common misinformation, gentrification is not a white or wealthy person moving into 912 Gates Avenue in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn. It simply starts with this person, usually an artist, subjected to a life of semi-poverty and who's after the benefits of cheap rent. When that one person tells their friend about this “cheap, but cool and cultural” neighborhood they just moved into, their friend moves in. Then their friend’s friend. Then their friends, friends, rich friend moves in...
While I do believe that individuals migrating to certain neighborhoods have the right to live wherever they feel comfortable, and since I have long ago embraced my inner capitalist especially when it comes to neighborhood economic development and planning, I can’t help but cringe whenever these personal decisions become a gauge for developers on how ready a neighborhood is for whatever they determine “revitalization” to mean. It starts to get sticky when plans are drawn out by city planners, private developers, corporations, and even elected officials to plow through established communities without the involvement of the very people who helped to sustain these neighborhoods for decades in the first place.
The people who stayed are members of a community. Despite the implications of exclusive housing policies, the socio-economic phenomena of white flight, extreme poverty and lack of access to valuable resources, and a steady depletion of life chance, these communities of people managed to establish for themselves a common culture. They speak a common language, have elders who preserve the institutional memory of this community, and young people who wish to add to it through whatever medium their destiny forces them to choose. This to me is significant.
My concern with gentrification is the way, as a process, it starts with undermining what was already established thereby making it fairly easy for these new inhabitants to impose their will on people who call their neighborhoods not only home, but self.
I visited the Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts's gentrification exhibit with this very thought process. Located in the Fort Green section of Brooklyn, MoCADA’s intentions were obvious: prepare for the public an exhibit showcasing the artistic community’s response to gentrification, make this art accessible, instrumentalize it for the purpose of community empowerment, make it art that is created by members of displaced communities, and make the subject matter one that is transparent by having experts come in discussing what gentrification means (both its definition and implications).
Advertisements for the event itself expressed open frustration about the economic, structural, and cultural changes taking place in their Brooklyn community. The pieces on display were ranged from passive aggressive and sarcastic, to openly angry. Some spoke of the "white washing" of formerly communities of color. One painting in particular was an advertisement for the exhibit. Called "Stinky Cheese", it poked fun at the pretension and disconnection found in bringing into poor neighborhoods things that poor people don't at all relate to, care about, or can't afford (like bringing into food poor communities gourmet shops when the majority of residents are on food stamps or where the rates of diet-related diseases are disproportionately high due to the overabundance of fast food, etc). It reaffirmed my concern about the cultural aspects of gentrification: it offends without empowering a community of people by refusing to work with the resources presently available. Instead, the tendency, whether intentional or not, is to wipe that resource out without bothering to assess its significance to people, places, and events.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
this hiatus makes me sad
some quick updates:
1. i moved to my own place! it's gorgeous with bright light, white paint, cool roomies, and a fun neighborhood.
2. i got water baptized on april 2nd, 2010!!
3. after just 2.5 months into my locing process, i removed them bad boys. they just got on my nerves and i really wanted to just wash my hair and actually feel my scalp. recently, i got my hair dyed a gorgeous chestnut brown, and i'm back to rockin' my 'fro.
4. i'm learning how to drive (judge not. i'm from brooklyn. we don't do vehicles smaller than buses)
that's all i could think of. the blogging resumes with 25 more things, gentrification in brooklyn, the media's obsession with single black women, some songs of the day, this post i've been working on about haitian's and adoption, and other random stuff.
peace.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
new exhibition at MoCADA
here's an exert from the press release:
This exhibition, guest curated by Dexter Wimberly, will examine how urban planning, eminent domain, and real estate development are affecting Brooklyn’s communities and how residents throughout the borough are responding. The exhibition will include the works of several Brooklyn-based artists, as well as those who have been forced to relocate as a result of gentrification. In addition to works of art featured at MoCADA, there will be a schedule of public programs taking place throughout Brooklyn.
i'm definitely visiting very soon. they're also supplementing the art with forums with community leaders and urban planners about gentrification and what it means for urban living. get excited!i think these billboards are fun:
new hollywood has not a sprinkle of color?
word though?
apparently vanity fair's celebration of hollywood's fresh talent is limited to the lily white and rail thin? weren't some of the hugest films of 2009 starred by women of color? does vanity fair need a reminder about Precious? Avatar? or how about Slumdog Millionaire? i
then there are the small screen and tv young actresses of color like jurnee smollett of the great debaters, erica hubbard of lincoln heights, keke palmer of akeelah and the bee, afro-latina tessa thompson from veronica mars, monique coleman of high school musical, america fererra, selena gomez, frida pinto, and the list goes on and on...
my problem is sort of complicated. this exclusion makes me wonder if women of color in hollywood are overlooked, or if they are merely an afterthought? the former would mean that their talents and efforts are dismissed and disregarded, the latter implies that their talents are in fact acknowledged, but they will never be on par with the likes of kristen stewart and friends.
either way, if both are realities, i'm sort of nervous for my baby sister, and countless other actresses who have hopes of contributing to breaking seemingly unbreakable barriers in theatre and film...