hoodrats, naked juice, and innuendos

i'm a little paranoid about the swine flu, or even a common cold. so last friday after traveling all afternoon on a packed, poorly ventilated bus from dc, and then sitting for a few hours in church around people, i decided to go into the corner store in crown heights to get some green machine naked juice.

i had a hard time seeing where the juice was so i asked a store clerk for help. this is the conversation that followed...

me: hello. do y'all sell naked juice?
store clerk: no but--
random guy (of course interrupting): hi, my name juice.
me (back to store clerk): so no naked juice? i dunno if i'm passing over it or if it's hidden behind stuff...
random guy: my name juice
me (frustrated at the random man): yea, you can actually leave the store now, thanks.
random guy: but my name juice. and i can be naked.

me: ::blinks:: ::blinks again::

at this point the store clerk quickly attends to another customer 'cause he senses that i'm about to regulate.

random guy (ignoring my discomfort): i'm juice, i can be naked. ya know..naked juice...?
me: why are you talking to me?
random guy (shocked): eh. where ya sense ah humor?

at that point i was simply exhausted and freezing and really wanted some juice and not any drama. so i decided to grab a bottle of oj and go about my business.

but as i'm paying, the random guy is still standing there testing me. this time he's just staring at me for no reason.

me (frustrated): WELL??!!
random guy: aye gyal, where ya sense ah humor?
me: are you serious!? you're being inappropriate. making me feel uncomfortable doesn't exactly inspire laughter, you loser.
random guy: it wah funny to me
me: ...and it wasn't to me
random guy: it wah funny, haha, what? you don't hava sense ah humor?
me (ready to bust old boy in the face with my bottle of juice): yo, leave me alone. i'm not going to laugh just because you were kidding. you still said what you said expecting me to not take it seriously. you.don't.know me!
random guy: ::laughing, leaves store::

store clerk (returning): yea that was unnecessary.

i know some of y'all got some good laughs from this, but this and plenty of other incidents like it boils down to one thing: entitlement, and i'm tired of it.

this situation reminds me of this really amazing racialicious.com article i read a few weeks ago titled "oh you can't speak to a brotha?" http://www.racialicious.com/2009/09/23/oh-you-cant-speak-to-a-brotha/ where the author wrote an open letter to brothers violating her personal space with suggestive or sexually explicit advances, and harassment in general simply because they think they have a right to our time.

it's really frustrating when you're walking down the block focused on nothing but getting home and some rest, and you have to blast your eardrums out with music to ignore the perverts making comments as you walk by. or grabbing lunch in the financial district with a friend and hearing obnoxious grunts or loud declarations of "ohh baby you on your grown and sexy today, ain't you"? or how about running errands at target only to get visually molested when you walk near some dude and he audaciously bends his head low to get a better peak at your goods? or how about walking alone in the dark quiet streets of canarsie and wondering scared what in the world is stopping that block huggin' fool from putting his hands on you?

i take it seriously because sexual harassment is serious and the victim is often blamed for the abuse. it offends me when women with hips and thighs get lumped into a category and stereotyped. somehow it's my fault that you can't control yourself. it's even more offensive when my complaints get me called angry or overly sensitive or a lesbian.

whatever happened to a good morning for the simple act of being cordial, and not to see if you can get your way with a woman? or making conversation with me about what i'm reading on the subway? heck, what happened to respect in general? some boys just need to do better.

i'm just sayin'.

my grown up birthday list

i'm one of those really lucky people who has a birthday so close to christmas. people have been consistently asking me what i want and i want so many things i figured i'd make a list just to give you an idea of what will sustain our friendship and make me love and appreciate you...until my next birthday, anyway. take a gander, make a pick :)

1. seriously, this is the THIRD consecutive year i've been asking for this. at this point it's a requirement for top spot in my life, yo. the norton anthology of african american literature HARDCOVER. i don't appreciate paperback books because of the abuse i put them through. i want to keep and read this in it's entirety and pass it on to my first born. shut up. i know it's kinda soppy, but so what if i have plans for this thing? just don't disappoint me again...

2. a study bible in large print will do. or even a bible with a case so i can put my notebook and pens in would be real cute.

3. this will please my environmentalist and fair trade supporting friends: dr. bronner's products. i love, love, love the almond castile soap, and the organic lip balms and lotions. you can find these at whole foods or online.

4. i would love a new iPod, but since i know better, anything iTunes will suffice

5. the love jones soundtrack.

6. the boys n the hood soundtrack in cassette form. because it only makes sense that way.

7. this is me reaching, but i would really love the person who gave me tickets to the Rose Bowl :)

8. i love those $5 pashmina scarves off the street. don't get me just one, or ones that look like antique rugs. i like simple colors and patterns.

9. i would ask for a gift certificate to Magnolia's bakery, but my arteries and hips are sending loud messages to me about heart disease and obesity. consider getting it only if you're my hater.

10. i love earrings and bracelets from off the street. but i'm also really picky and i hate the real simple looking ones or the really complicated ones. and don't buy me any necklaces; i don't EVER wear those.

11. subscription to the new york times or the nation, the atlantic, etc

12. ruled moleskin notebooks. hardcover. please. and a monteverde regatta rollerball pen in nightfall black would compliment the moleskin AWESOMELY, but again, i know better...

13. i'm so done sowing my wild oats, partying, and getting drunk for my birthday. i want a nice dinner with alll of my friends. i would honestly appreciate your time and company above all...but i still want presents :)

14. just another blessed, good year. God is good, y'all!

15. oh, oh, oh! and a white christmas would be a great early birthday present.